What are you doing for your family this year?

Good morning!  Today I am 54 lbs lighter than I was a year ago.  In just 2 Health Point cycles I have lost 22 lbs. and the second cycle isn't over yet!!  I have been sick this week so no  voice, no out door excursions no real walking but I'm still losing weight. Since today of last  year I have taken off 11.5 inches from my waist, 3 inches from each thigh, and 7 inches from my hips.    I am still gluten free and still optimistic.

Today is a much better day emotionally.  Monday was the anniversary of birth and death of our daughter.  She would be 3 years old now.  The days leading up to Monday were the hardest as I wasn't sure where I would be emotionally when the day came.  Turns out I was eyeball deep in mucus and ear pain. While the loss never leaves us, life still carries on.  I thought about Lilly all day on Monday and know that she has moved on to do bigger and better things somewhere else.  She is still the driving force that pushes me to exceed my own expectations.

My husband and I have been talking about running in a 5k.  We are planning to complete one before summer and hope to be able to do a half marathon before the end of the year.  Lilly pushes us to go further.  I plan to lose another 70 - 90 lbs this year and will then start with the IVF again.  We still have 8 embryos waiting for us to get our shit together.  (pardon my language but there it is)

I found that when we started the In Vitro process we were so focused on the end result we didn't even think about what we needed to do to prepare ourselves for the marathon of parenting.  Over the last two years I have been able to take a really good look at all the physical demands of parenting.  We were soooo not ready. Physically we were incapable of climbing stairs without huffing and puffing.  What would we do to care for our kids?  What would be teaching our kids?  What kind of example would we really be?

This year I turn 40.  It is going to be an amazing year.  I have big plans and goals.

What are you doing for your family this year?

love and hugs,


Jen

2nd Cycle blues

So I've gone crazy again.  I know, it's not really a long trip for me.  :)  Wednesday we went for a walk at Rose Canyon near our home and before we even really entered the park I was an emotional mess.  I was crying and angry and not really sure why.  As I talked it out with my husband I found that the prerecorded message that plays in the background of my thoughts is incredibly negative.  The things I think about myself, if someone else said them to me I would not tolerate it.  Yet it is amazing the amount of abuse I can heap upon myself.  Here is a sampling of some of the negative thoughts:

I'm a loser, I can't do anything right, I'm not losing weight fast enough, I'm not good enough, I'm ugly, and so much more. 
I hadn't realized how embedded that thinking really is.  I am frequently told by friends and family how positive I am.  This showed me how deep the negative thoughts are hidden.  I have been working on changing the message to something positive.  It will take lots more work. 

I like to think it's not so much that I am a positive person as I am a hopeful one.  I always hope for the best and look for the best outcomes.  They don't always come, but you never know the worst outcome may just be preparing you for what's to come, good or bad.  

This cycle I have lost a whopping four pounds.  I had been hoping for better.  Considering all the walking I have been doing I was sure it would be better.  I was so down in the dumps yesterday that I stayed home all day, no real walking.  I still managed to lose .4 lbs from yesterday to today.  This tells me that my body is still burning the fat while building muscle.  Today we will head off to Disneyland and get our 16,000 steps in.  (it's really easy there!) I have a brighter outlook today and hope to maintain it for the remainder of the cycle. 

I have spent so many years struggling with depression and I don't want to be sad anymore.  I know that is not realistic, but here's to finding the sunny side of life, no matter the time of day, year or weather. 

In regards to full disclosure:

I know that I haven't lost as much as I could because:

1. I haven't been drinking enough water
2. I haven't been regular about my vitamins
3. I wasn't following the plan correctly during week 1 and 2 (I needed to revisit the food list and portion control was off)
4. I wasn't getting enough sleep.

We'll see how much better I do over the next couple of weeks once I correct these problems.

Thanks for listening to me vent.  I am still looking forward to reaching my goal weight by August so that we can have that much longed for child. 

I'll write again next week.

Hugs to you all,

Jen

New Year, New Changes

Over the last ten years, and honestly longer, I have been concerned that I would not be able to get pregnant or have kids in any way.  I have obviously proven some of this to be inaccurate, yet the fear persists.  I will be turning 40 this year.  While some of my closest friends have had their first children at 41 + years of age, I am still concerned. 

So, my options are panic, give up or get to work.  Honestly, I have done a bit of both panicking and have thought about giving up.  On November 22, 2011 I had surgery for what we thought was a large ovarian cyst.  It turned out the cyst was on the fallopian tube and so I lost the cyst and part of a tube.  I thought I would lose at least one ovary, maybe both.    Upon coming home from surgery I was more determined than ever to get my body into the best shape I could possibly be in to be pregnant.  The week of Thanksgiving I started a diet called Healthpointe 2.0. 

My mobility was limited and I could barely walk across the apartment without help from my husband.  The main principles of the diet: snack, walk, watch your portion control and drink plenty of water.  There is obviously more to it than that, but it is what gets me through the day.  The only required exercise is walking and you are only required to to as much as you are physically able.  By adding a pedometer you can actually determine if you walked more today than yesterday or how many steps you need to catch up.  There are obviously no drugs involved, no pre-packaged food, and you can still eat out on most days.  Each cycle is about 6 weeks long, 4 weeks of weight loss and 2 weeks of metabolic adjustment.

In my first four weeks I lost 13 lbs all while eating yummy foods.  I was also still able to maintain my gluten free needs. 
I am now in the first week of my second cycle and have lost 2 lbs and the week is not yet over.

My goal for the next 7 months is to lose between 70 and 100 lbs., reduce my glucose blood levels and be healthy for the next embryo transfer, which I hope will take place in October.
The exciting news for me is that over the last year I have successfully lost 45 lbs. 30 of those lbs was from switching to a gluten free lifestyle and the other 15 is from Healthpointe.  My goal this cycle is to lose 20 lbs plus.  I'll be very happy with losing anything but I'd really like to hit 20-23 lbs this cycle. 

Today the plan is to go to the zoo or maybe the park to get some walking done. Let's see how well I do today.  :)  Please help by supporting me in my efforts.  I know some of you do not need to lose weight and this may seem a bit cliche.  My thoughts right now are if my body is healthy how could my pregnancy not be?  We'll see what the future brings. 

Hugs to you all for now  I'll write again this week,


Jen