Back from the Depths

So it has been ages since I have written, although I have thought of you all regularly.  In the last few months I have started a new job, moved into a new apartment, removed dairy from my diet, lost 20 lbs, started the adoption process and had a 10 cm cyst. 

My new job has been fun and rewarding if not overly challenging.  I do like it and my boss is great as are the people I work with.  I'm happy I even have a job considering my husband is still looking. 

We moved into our wonderful new apartment in May and although it is almost twice the size of our last one, our things still do not fit.  How did that happen???  We are diligently going through the boxes and taking many trips to Good Will.  We have been keeping ourselves away from Ikea (that's just too dangerous and no place to put stuff).

Sometime in July I had this great idea to remove dairy from my diet.  As it is I'm kind of a pariah at work (although they do try to include me in things) when it comes to lunches and office parties.  Gluten free is not always fun, but I have found ways to make it tasty.  I have learned some new recipes for bread, pie crusts and other tasties.  So one day after work I looked over at my husband at dinner and said "hey, how about we get rid of dairy?"  You could hear the crickets chirping while he just stared at me.  Don't get me wrong, my husband has always been supportive of whatever I want to do (with the exception of opening a bakery - I get cranky when I'm working on a big project in the kitchen).  And as usual, he was supportive of this as well.  His first words were "will you be able to function without cheese and chocolate?"   My jaw fell open at that point because, I mean come on, cheese and chocolate???  I took a deep breath and thought some more about it and decided that I was worth letting go of some things.  Chocolate I would find out later was not off limits.  I started looking into all the things that would have to be removed from my diet and found that it really wasn't as bad as I thought it would be.  I've read lots of information about removing dairy from your diet helps with infertility issues.  We'll see how that works out for me as I'm still working on being 100% dairy free.  I can't help it if I love my cheese. 
I have noticed that my skin has started to clear up a bit.  The rosacea seems to be fading a bit with the removal of the dairy.  That's definitely some good news.
Speaking of good news, my birthday was in August (not that getting old is good news) and I decided it was time for some new clothes.  My old clothes were getting big on me and I thought I would check out the stores and get a few new pairs of pants and maybe a blouse or two.  It turns out that I wasn't comfortable in the clothes I had because they were 2-3 sized too big.  With that great news we decided to buy a scale.  Not just any old scale but one that tells us our weight, bone density, water in our bodies and the amount of body fat we have.  I discovered that I had lost over 20 lbs since January.  Never satisfied with the status quo I have decided to push towards losing another 15 lbs by the end of October.  I haven't made big changes, just lots of little ones.  I started walking at lunch.  I eat my lunch for half of my lunch and spend the other half walking, I take the stairs whenever I can, and swim when I can at our community pool.  If it's too hot outside, I make it a point to go to an air conditioned store and walk in the refrigerator section specifically looking at vegetables and fruits.  I'll keep you posted on what's happening for me in the next few months. 

My husband and I have always planned on adoption, even before we had fertility problems.  This June we decided to take our first step into the process.  It has truly been an education.  Unfortunately because of my new job I am unable to complete the classes until later in the year.  I need to wait to finish out my probation before I can change my hours at work and the classes are about two hours away.  I see it as a test of our commitment.  We are planning to attend a Saturday class in October and then start the rest of the classes in November.  While we still have embryos we are holding off on starting another cycle until I have my weight and other medical issues under control. 

And so the mention of medical issues brings to mind the ten cm cyst I had apparently had.  The first thought was that it might be cancerous so the ob/gyn sent me straight off to the oncologist.  Of course I panicked and had a complete melt down before I even saw the oncologist.  We had a list of questions to ask him and after 5 minutes with him were ready to throw it all out.  Bottom line - I don't have cancer, I have a complex cyst that may actually be a functioning cyst.  We agreed to wait six weeks and see if it shrinks while I'm on progesterone tablets.  The ultrasound is at the end of September so I'll keep you posted about that too.  That's my not so short summary of what's been going on over the last few months.  I am hoping to be box free in the office here at home soon, so that I can spend more time researching information and reading books and using myself as a guinea pig to help myself and all of you better understand our options on this amazing roller coaster ride we call infertility.

Best wishes and lots of love to you all.

Jen

Milestones

Welcome to February 2011!! 

In approximately 3 days it will be 2 years since the loss of our daughter Lilly.  Two years may seem like a long time but there are moments for me when it seems like just yesterday I heard her first cries.  I miss her dearly and wish that she had the chance to experience so many things, like laughter, sunshine, meeting her cousins, the scent of a flower, the sound of music.  We only had her for about 45 minutes but they were the jam packed with all the love and hope we could give her.   I promised her that I would live my life the way she never had the opportunity to do.  I have been somewhat remiss in doing so, in that I have allowed a bit of depression to take over.  I am not so clueless as to think that there is no time in life for sadness, depression or feeling sorry for myself, but I do try to limit this time.  Like with exercise it is easy to give yourself permission to slack off every now and then and have that lead into more and more time, until your life becomes one big pity party.  I haven't gotten that far but some days it feels like it.  I have decided that like with exercise anything is better than nothing, so with that in mind, I will attempt to use every minute of the day that I am awake to make the most of my time.

With that in mind I release all guilt I have been feeling regarding being unemployed and lack of exercise and healthier living over the last two years and move ahead looking to the unknown excitement of my life to come.   In approximates 26 days it will have been one year that I have been unemployed.  Of course only about five months of that time have I spent actually looking for work.  Since making the move to California I have been searching for work every day, working with various recruiters/ temp agencies and talking to everyone I can. 

During this time I've also been taking some time to do some extra reading and make some changes in my life.  I have (as I mentioned earlier in other posts) cut out wheat and I have recently started bike riding again.  I'm feeling a difference just not seeing much of one yet. 

So last week I took a little time to read through a few books while sitting at the local bookstore.  Within those books I found some interesting tidbits.  One of the first tidbits that comes to mind is that you shouldn't eat peas if you are trying to get pregnant (at least you shouldn't eat huge amounts of peas).  This is for both potential parents not just mom.  Apparently there is a chemical called m-xylohydroquinone.  It is a naturally occurring chemical that cuts the rate of pregnancy by up to 60%; Sperm counts drop by 50 %!  I can honestly say that I had no idea about this.  I have not done the fact checking on this yet since I don't really eat lots of peas; it is an easy food to put on the back burner until I have the opportunity to do further research.  The book I found this in is: Getting pregnant what you need to know right now – by Niels H. Laursen, M.D., Ph.D., and Colette Bouchez.  Feel free to check it out it is a great book and has lots of information.  It is great for a reference book as well as an easy read. Most of what I looked at in that book was in chapter 11 titled Fertility Diet 2000.  Another tidbit that I got from this book is to increase protein intake by about 10 to 12 percent with lean red meat and poultry.  I also read that soybeans and foods containing soy are usually good for women's health, but can interfere with pregnancy.

The authors also have a great list of nutrients and recommended amounts.  This is great and will help you to make the best choice regarding multivitamins and supplements. 

This information is paired nicely with the super nutrient information found in:

SuperFoods Rx– Fourteen foods that will change your life by Steven Pratt, M.D., and Kathy Matthews. 

Here the authors list 14 super nutrients and the amounts recommended along with where you can find those nutrients within your daily menu.

As I have mentioned in previous posts if you are experiencing difficulties in fertility, check out wheat-free/gluten free diet.  I have found that the more I stay away from gluten the better I feel.  I have not gone 100% gluten free yet because I'm waiting to see a doctor for formal testing to see if I am gluten intolerant or if I have celiac

Well that's my latest rant and whine session hope you are all enjoying my writing and antics.  Post comments either way.  Hope and love to you all and thanks for reading.

Jen