What are you doing for your family this year?

Good morning!  Today I am 54 lbs lighter than I was a year ago.  In just 2 Health Point cycles I have lost 22 lbs. and the second cycle isn't over yet!!  I have been sick this week so no  voice, no out door excursions no real walking but I'm still losing weight. Since today of last  year I have taken off 11.5 inches from my waist, 3 inches from each thigh, and 7 inches from my hips.    I am still gluten free and still optimistic.

Today is a much better day emotionally.  Monday was the anniversary of birth and death of our daughter.  She would be 3 years old now.  The days leading up to Monday were the hardest as I wasn't sure where I would be emotionally when the day came.  Turns out I was eyeball deep in mucus and ear pain. While the loss never leaves us, life still carries on.  I thought about Lilly all day on Monday and know that she has moved on to do bigger and better things somewhere else.  She is still the driving force that pushes me to exceed my own expectations.

My husband and I have been talking about running in a 5k.  We are planning to complete one before summer and hope to be able to do a half marathon before the end of the year.  Lilly pushes us to go further.  I plan to lose another 70 - 90 lbs this year and will then start with the IVF again.  We still have 8 embryos waiting for us to get our shit together.  (pardon my language but there it is)

I found that when we started the In Vitro process we were so focused on the end result we didn't even think about what we needed to do to prepare ourselves for the marathon of parenting.  Over the last two years I have been able to take a really good look at all the physical demands of parenting.  We were soooo not ready. Physically we were incapable of climbing stairs without huffing and puffing.  What would we do to care for our kids?  What would be teaching our kids?  What kind of example would we really be?

This year I turn 40.  It is going to be an amazing year.  I have big plans and goals.

What are you doing for your family this year?

love and hugs,


Jen

2nd Cycle blues

So I've gone crazy again.  I know, it's not really a long trip for me.  :)  Wednesday we went for a walk at Rose Canyon near our home and before we even really entered the park I was an emotional mess.  I was crying and angry and not really sure why.  As I talked it out with my husband I found that the prerecorded message that plays in the background of my thoughts is incredibly negative.  The things I think about myself, if someone else said them to me I would not tolerate it.  Yet it is amazing the amount of abuse I can heap upon myself.  Here is a sampling of some of the negative thoughts:

I'm a loser, I can't do anything right, I'm not losing weight fast enough, I'm not good enough, I'm ugly, and so much more. 
I hadn't realized how embedded that thinking really is.  I am frequently told by friends and family how positive I am.  This showed me how deep the negative thoughts are hidden.  I have been working on changing the message to something positive.  It will take lots more work. 

I like to think it's not so much that I am a positive person as I am a hopeful one.  I always hope for the best and look for the best outcomes.  They don't always come, but you never know the worst outcome may just be preparing you for what's to come, good or bad.  

This cycle I have lost a whopping four pounds.  I had been hoping for better.  Considering all the walking I have been doing I was sure it would be better.  I was so down in the dumps yesterday that I stayed home all day, no real walking.  I still managed to lose .4 lbs from yesterday to today.  This tells me that my body is still burning the fat while building muscle.  Today we will head off to Disneyland and get our 16,000 steps in.  (it's really easy there!) I have a brighter outlook today and hope to maintain it for the remainder of the cycle. 

I have spent so many years struggling with depression and I don't want to be sad anymore.  I know that is not realistic, but here's to finding the sunny side of life, no matter the time of day, year or weather. 

In regards to full disclosure:

I know that I haven't lost as much as I could because:

1. I haven't been drinking enough water
2. I haven't been regular about my vitamins
3. I wasn't following the plan correctly during week 1 and 2 (I needed to revisit the food list and portion control was off)
4. I wasn't getting enough sleep.

We'll see how much better I do over the next couple of weeks once I correct these problems.

Thanks for listening to me vent.  I am still looking forward to reaching my goal weight by August so that we can have that much longed for child. 

I'll write again next week.

Hugs to you all,

Jen