What have I done for me lately??

So it’s almost a year since my last miscarriage and I started to take stock of all the changes I have made.

1. I’m unemployed (not by choice) company downsized.

2. I’ve gained 14 lbs.

3. I’ve made progress in working through my emotional pains that the last few years have brought me.

4. I am doing more for myself and others spiritually (e.g. worshipping more, volunteering, helping others etc.).

5. I am getting out of my apartment more

6. I am exercising more.

7. I have looked into what would need to be done for adoption.



So while I’ve made some progress I haven’t really improved my chance at having children. The exercise and getting out are recent, the weight gain not so much. After writing up this list I’ve decided to revisit the so called elephant in the room… at this point if feels as though I’m the elephant.

For most of my life I have been gaining weight as a means of protection. I have been, on several occasions attacked by either people I know or someone I just met (he came with a recommendation from my boss go figure). I am frustrated with not being able to do so many of the things I want to do. I enjoy kayaking, canoeing, dancing and would love to try riding on a zip line at some point. But at well over 250 lbs I’m not sure that would be as fun or as safe for me. I have been trying to hide behind my weight, while simultaneously hiding my weight from others (as though that were possible).

I’ve spent most of my life on one diet or another. It seems as though no matter what diet I try it’s not the right one for me or it’s not the right time or pick just about any other excuse. Yes, a person should be ready to make a commitment to themselves when they start a diet and they should do the research ahead of time and be sure it is something they can commit to, but it just seems so easy to say “I’m on a diet” and follow that up six weeks later with “oh that diet wasn’t for me” or “I just wasn’t ready to start yet, next Monday I’ll start.” It has to stop somewhere is that when I reach 300 lbs or when I reach 40 years old and become accountable to myself or better yet when I have kids then I’ll be good. I have to stop and call it as I see it… they are excuses that have no bearing in reality.

So this is me taking my first steps into reality in many years. It is September 7, 2010 and I’ve been researching diets that are not only specific to my needs but those that offer me the best solution to real life living. I’ve essentially been combining the foundation posts of several different diets that truly operate in the real world with real food. I do not want to have prepackaged meals, have to eat at specific restaurants or take some sort of supplement that I’ve never heard of. I want to do activities that fit into my schedule that I can make priority and not lose anything else in my day. I want to set goals for myself that I am capable of meeting. I don’t want to say “I need to lose 30 pounds by November” because I have no control over the actual weight loss. I do have control over the amount and type of exercise I do and when I do it. I have control over the types of food, quantity and times I eat. I’ve spent most of this morning and last night writing out a diet that I think will work for me. I’m not suggesting that anyone follow it, in fact, please don’t. This is something you need to do for yourself. If you have been struggling to lose weight and have PCOS, I’ll post what some of my most basic findings are. All you have to do is take some time to figure out what it is you need to help you change your exercise and eating habits. Hugs to all who need them. Keep staying positive and know that you have the power to change your life; you just have to want to change it.

Jen